Sometimes when I see my boyfriend naked, I think to myself, “how the fuck does that fit?” Its huge. Like, joke huge. If I saw a picture of him nude online and I didn’t already sleep with him, my first reaction would be: “That picture is photoshopped.” Something that definitely needs to be stated first off is that I’m not a size queen. I knew nothing of his size before we started dating. I remember watching ‘Goldfinger’ (I’m a James Bond FREAK btw) on our first date and cuddling up next to him on the loveseat in his apartment. After the movie our lips meet in a memorable and very long kiss. We were 22 at the time and still at the age when the wind blowing makes you hard (actually… still at that age. Does it ever end?). He obviously got an erection and my wandering hands caught a brief overview of it. I’ll always remember my initial impression being surprised by how thick it was, but little was I aware of its full size, until I saw it later with my own eyes. Actually, it was pointed right at my eyes.
Roughly the same size as Texas…
Fast-forward a couple weeks. We waited to have anal sex, but my mouth was taking full advantage of it. Can clearly recall the first time we had anal and thinking “oh god I’m going to die.” Al is pretty much a total top- I can count on both hands the number of times that I’ve topped him. So, I’m the one that’s on my back in the bedroom… or on my hands and knees, bent over the couch, with one leg up on the bathroom counter, etc- all depending on where we happen to be at the time. But in the 5 years that we’ve been dating I have never really been able to get used to how big it is. We’ve tried pretty much everything. Each time, when he first enters me it feels like I’m losing my virginity all over again. But… to a fucking elephant.
Just the other night actually, Al came home from a club he went to with a few friends and I was asleep. I was sleeping in the middle of the bed, face down, with no covers. You can see where this is going. I’m woken up be him lying on top of me, kissing my neck. Groggily, I get whats going on- usually when I’m woken up in the middle of the night I act really bizarrely, so he tends not to do it (I’ll do a whole other post about the time I punched him when he woke me up in the middle of the night). But this time, I was lucent enough to understand what was going on. One thing leads to another, he rips off my undies and…. Yeah. I managed to actually bite my pillow, even though he was being uncommonly gentle for a drunk guy. Don’t get me wrong, it feels good, but it just hurts soooooo much.
So there I am, taking it like a champ, feeling like I’m being ripped in two. He’d speed up a bit and I’d think to myself, “Oh good, he is almost done, I can handle this”…. But then he’d slow back down. He has great technique, but that’s neither here nor there. So he’d slow down for a while, be really passionate… and then speed up again. So, I’d think, “Ok, maybe now he is close” and then he’d slow down again. Finally about the 5th time he did this I spoke my first words in the entire encounter. “Babe, it just hurts too much.” He apologized, you know, because it’s his fault for having a dick the size of a construction cone.
I know he is disappointed that I can’t take him all that well. We still manage to have a lively sex life, but I know he wishes I could take it like the guys from MachoFucker. When I see the videos I just wonder how these bottoms take it. They seem to have no problem going balls deep in 3 seconds with guys the size of my man. And it isn’t like I’m a wimp or anything. I try. I try a lot. I breathe right, relax, give it time, but still.
So when we get in play fights and he says, “There isn’t a thing about me you’d change” I say, “I’d take a couple inches off both girth and length.” And I’m being serious. I wonder how many guys say that?