Because my job is boring as all hell, I spend a lot of time surfing the internet, fighting the urge to visit my favorite websites which are definitely not work appropriate. So, I’m unusually up on all the news stories and little studies. Probably one of the top phrases that comes out of my mouth is, “you know, I recently read this article about this, and…” It makes me seem much more intelligent than I actually am. Last week I found this article on MSN:
“If you’re a fan of scary stories, you might want to skip the next Stephen King and read this Symantec study instead. As part of an experiment called ‘The Smartphone Honey Stick Project,’ the online security company loaded fifty smartphones with “simulated corporate and personal data” and “lost” them in five cities, leaving them in public places where most of us might forget a phone. By monitoring the software, they learned that there’s a 50% chance you’ll be reunited with your lost Android, but there’s a whopping 96% chance the finder will access your data. “The information stored on [smartphones] is at risk unless users take precautions to protect it,” Symantec said. Passwords, people. P@$$w0rD$.”
Oops, I lost my phone.
First of all, Steven King’s stories haven’t been scary since the Cujo era. Really the only thing scary is how fast he writes a fucking book. But the rest of the article didn’t surprise me in the slightest. It’s the entire reason my phone has a password. Do you have any idea how many dirty photos I have on it? Well, I do, and believe me it’s a lot. I can’t seem to go into a bathroom without taking one or two. Since my phone has the front and rear facing camera, I can even get creative angles from under my junk with my face in it. And therein lies the problem. If my phone was just full of crotch pics (I’m particularly fond of bulge pictures… just ask Albert how many of those he gets on a daily basis) I wouldn’t worry. Very few people could look at a picture of my dick and say, “Oh my god I know exactly who that belongs to!”… you know who you are… But I DO have pictures that involve both my goods and my face. If I lost that, it would definitely come back to haunt me later; if I ever came to notoriety in some fashion for example. I don’t plan on really ever being famous, but as we’ve learned from the following people, it does happen, and they will end up on the internet: Chris Salvatore, Adam Roberts, Alexandre Pato, Steph Jones, Hugh Plummer, John Byrne, and Jamie Foxx.
That being said, if I found a phone, would I go through it? Well, it just all depends. I’d like to take the high ground and say that I would not. But let’s be honest, I’d get super curious. You know, let me try and put a positive spin on it. When I go through the pictures of the phone that I’ve found, I’ll know who the phone belongs to and if they are still in the immediate vicinity I can reunite them! And if I just happen to pause on all their nude self-portraits… it’s all their fault for A) losing it in the first place and B) not passwording their shit.
Another note, if anyone plans on losing their password free phone near me, please include photos like this: