Personal Blog: Meltdown

I consider myself a pretty damn independent person. But you sometimes have those wake up moments when you realize how little you would be without your friends. I rarely have moments in my life when things get all out of control- I would make the most boring and plain subject of a reality show ever. I’m not very emotional and for the most part I keep drama out of my life by letting my dramatic friends know that I’m here for them when they need me but…

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On the rare occasion I totally fucking flip my shit, I’m reminded of how much I need my friends. I had such an episode recently that was highly exaggerated by half a bottle of vodka (like… I literally just poured it into a glass and added a few ice cubes). I became totally and utterly irrational as I broke down and had what I realize now was one of the worst panic attacks I’ve ever had. I posted some rambling garbage on facebook and then my first amazing friend spent about $20 calling me from Marrakech, Morocco to remind me of the dangers of drunk, emotional facebooking. By then, word had gotten around and my phone was ringing off the hook. All the voicemails were similar. “Hey… I just saw your post on facebook- is everything ok?” The fact that my friends ACTUALLY called me says a lot because normally it’s a text that comes my way.

Funny enough, a friend that I’ve made from the blog, Frank, was pretty concerned and sent me some encouraging words from Canada. (A big thanks to Frank… who better get his ass out of the cold Toronto weather and down to sunny and perfect Florida. Just saying)

My friends were there for me to cry on, were there to listen, were there to give advice. Had things not ended up well, they would have been there to pick me up and carry me to safety. They would have been there to smile encouragingly, to do whatever it takes to help. Its remarkably easy to forget sometimes how many people out there love and care about you. Even in those moments, when you are at your darkest hour, there is someone out there who would hold your hand and give it a squeeze. The trick is gathering all your depleted strength and calling on that person.

I’m convinced that the most common feeling in the world is that feeling of being alone. Alone in love, alone in life, in sickness, in depression. Even harder than calling on a friend is realizing that you are not alone. Life may not be exactly what you want it to be, but damnit, none of us… not one… single… person… is alone.

It’s a lesson I relived this past weekend. Sometimes the hardest parts of life are the most eye opening and rewarding. They tell you a lot about who you, deeper than everyday life reveals to you. They also reveal to you those who you can count on, those who love and care about you. I’m very, very lucky to have a great number of amazing friends who love and care about me. A huge thank you to all of them (and all the people that will be there to help me when I fall in the future). And of course, the biggest thank you of all to Al, my amazing wonderful caring boyfriend who would go to the ends of the Earth for me. I try to live up to his expectations and examples, but its comforting to know that he loves me just for trying.

Oh- and just as a reminder… DON’T DRINK AND FACEBOOK.

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One thought on “Personal Blog: Meltdown

  1. Amen!! Halleluyer! You are singing my sawng! I unfortunately did not see your post to reply, but yes it’s really true, we really aren’t alone. We can perceive to be alone, but the truth is someone’s always there.
    I hope you know that your words brought a lot of comfort when I went through something similar. 🙂

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