Most of you know how busy I am. Between school, working at least 40 hours a week and running two small businesses, free time is minimal. Don’t get me wrong, I still manage to have fun and do things, but I sometimes feel like my chances to be a crazy twenty something get smaller and smaller every day. This past Friday and Saturday I had off… my first two back to back days off since the beginning of December. I made a pledge to myself to live it up! I bought some new clothes, had lunch with a friend, read a book (I cannot escape the fact that I am a dork no matter how hard I try) and spent some time with my boyfriend. But… what I really wanted to do?
Get. Fucking. Trashed.
The last time I had a drink was the beginning of January (I technically did emotionally drink in early February when I had my meltdown, but I’m not going to count that… I’m going to forget that) and before that it was the beginning of December. Honestly, I can’t even remember the last time I went out to a club or bar to just be a kid again. I texted a friend who is always offering to be my designated driver and spent the evening watching over me (the boyfriend gets a little paranoid when I go out and likes to know I’m safe). “I’ll pick you up at 9:30” is all he said. So, I’m getting ready when he arrives with another friend and we head out to our first destination. Savoy is more of a bar here in Orlando rather than a club. It’s a chill spot and a good place to always grab a drink or two before really getting going.
And here I must insert a side note. I’m a lightweight. I’m Six foot one inch tall, 175 pounds, 8% bodyfat and I rarely drink. How many drinks do you think it takes me to get wasted? The answer? One. Vodka tonic is my poison of choice. Its simple, refreshing and gets the job done. I had never actually been drunk around these two friends before, so they were slightly surprised at how fast I got tipsy. But, they kept feeding me drinks and really got me going. I drink fast too. I don’t understand people that hold a drink in their hand the whole night, waiting for it to get watered down and nasty. Fucking toss it back, open up your throat and take it! Wait… what kind of post is this?
These two friends happen to know EVERY SINGLE gay man in Orlando, so everyone that passed by stopped to say hello. They would introduce me, always pointing out that I’m taken, and then the person would say something to the effect of, “How many drinks has he had?” or “are you guys doing shots?” It was actually one person that asked that question. He stopped to talk to my friends, I was swaying back and forth because I generally can’t stand still after one drink. This was my third. I take my drink, which was pretty much full, and toss it back, drinking it like I had been in a desert for a month without anything to drink. It was the elixir of life, and I was ten seconds from death. So he wasn’t asking if we were doing shots, he asked because he thought that my friends and I ordered shots and I just took mine without them. HE THOUGHT MY ENTIRE DRINK WAS ONE SHOT. That’s how fast I drink.
My friends look over at me, with the guy laughing, as I’m sucking every last drop of vodka out of that glass. I slam the glass on the counter, look at this guy like he was a genius and called out for the bartender (Who, of course, my friends knew and made the drinks extra strong).
“We need shots! You are doing them with us right? SHOTS!”
At that point, its when I really stop remembering the majority of what happened. Oh, and it wasn’t even midnight yet. We did the shot and my friend blocked a couple of advances from guys who saw how drunk I was and thought I was easy prey. Thankfully I have amazing friends who’d protect me from anything.
That’s when we headed out to probably the biggest and best known gay club in Orlando- Parliament House. It has a seedy hotel attached to it. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions from that. We walk in, head to a bar and get one last drink. But oh- it was a big drink. So, ok, if an average size dick represents the size of most drinks you’d get at a club
Than this dick was the size of my drink:
In three seconds its gone and I have to pee. Its always an adventure peeing at the Parliament House- I literally have seen handjobs being given at the urinal. My friend checks the bathroom, makes sure I’m alone and blocks the bathroom until I’m done. All of this treatment made me feel like a celebrity who has constant security, and honestly, I was loving it. Then we moved to the dance floor. I’m not a big dancer. I’m white. And I don’t mean that in just the racial sense… I’m uuber white. When I dance, people stare, and not because I’m awesome. Because they are afraid that my flailing around is going to cause them injury.
As we head out onto the main dancefloor, they are playing a remix of Adele’s Skyfall, which is currently my favorite song. So I get down. I’m dancing like I don’t get a shit, because I really don’t give a shit. I was there to have a blast, not to impress anyone. I danced for probably like an hour before the room started to not make any sense. You know- your dizzy, can’t look at people’s faces, can’t stand up straight… classic signs of you having had WAY too much to drink. I go to sit down with my protection and had a nice, thoughtful discussion. I thanked them profusely for the amazing evening and told them how much it meant to me. They then decided that they needed to sober me up a bit and took me to breakfast. This is around 2am.
I ate pancakes for the first time in 2 years. And it truly was the greatest thing I had ever put in my mouth. But, my day finally caught up with me. Know what happens when you wake up at 6am, jog 5 miles and then stay up all day, ending it with staying out until 3am? You pass out.
They woke me up to go home and I had big plans for when I walked through that door. The best sex ever to end the best day ever. Albert likes having sex with me when I’m drunk because I’m totally unhinged. When I’m drunk, I’m Dean Monroe. And he likes that. So… this is what I was expecting:
I spent all Saturday paying for it, but I had an amazing time. I can’t thank my friends enough for being there for me, allowing me to be myself without having to worry about anything. They took care of me, protected me. Albert appreciates it as well- cause he knows that when we go to Toronto in 4 days he is going to have to do that, and it’s a big job.
I also want to take the time to say thanks to everyone who has said hi to me on Kik- its been a blast chatting with you There is still the opportunity to say hi- my screen name is tmsblog